Who am I? - Body size and Gender as a Korean man

I am from South Korea and have always been bigger and taller than my friends since kindergarten. By the time I was in sixth grade, my height was average compared to my classmates, though the fattest. I endured being teased from kindergarten to grade four. South Korea generally has an obsession with beauty and is hypervigilant about weight. A moderately plump body in traditional Korean society was associated with positive attributes of wealth and beauty, and a negative perception of illness and poverty was associated with a thin body. Rapid social changes from Westernization, urbanization, and industrialization have impacted South Korean traditional norms regarding the understanding of the right body image. currently, having a tall, slim build but a toned body portrayed by male K-pop idols is the ideal component for a successful career and life prospects (Lee, 2016). During the early years of my school, I remember my classmates making fun of me, and girls made jokes like “There is your boyfriend” and burst out laughing. In physical education activities, some of my classmates would openly disapprove and mock me for joining their play groups. I once considered dropping out of school since the harassment was becoming worse, I had no alternative to report the cases since it was viewed as cowardly for a boy to report girls and for the boys, I was expected to handle my disputes as a man.

Reflecting on my early school years in dealing with the teasing from school, I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms of binge-watching television programs and playing computer games while eating unhealthy junk foods. I avoided physical games to reduce the chances of being targeted by bullies and focused on science-related projects in school. During my fourth-grade year, my science project awarded me the title of the most innovative student. In a moment, I moved from being the fat kid to the school nerd, this earned me respect, students wanted to be associated with me, and this marked an end of the years of harassment. I still believe that the fourth-grade science project helped me focus on my extracurricular activities rather than concentrate on my weight issues. Despite the new-found recognition in school, deep down, I had my insecurities, especially when relating to the girls in school. The subsequent years of my school life were pretty impressive as I formed friends and developed a few social skills.

My High school education was in Berlin, and most of my classmates were of German origin, and they did not bother with my body size. I enjoyed my high school period since I was not worried about my weight. I felt welcomed and loved not because of my prowess in Sciences but because of who I was, that is kind and funny. I was the school mascot during my initial high school years, and I was required to do a few physical exercises. I had associated physical activities with the trauma I had experienced during my first years of school, but the new school offered a different perspective of fun and freedom. I seriously started working out when I was the age of 17; subconsciously I think I was working out to have the ideal body that would meet the societal expectations. The results were reasonably good, and I achieved a better body shape after losing 35 pounds. I was healthy, I could breathe well, and my confidence increased. I also had done work on my mental health after years of physical abuse during my younger years. I started treating myself with respect and kindness and avoiding self-criticism. I made time for my childhood hobby of physical exercise, which I shunned during my childhood. Endurance, resilience and personal motivation were the fundamental values that enabled me to preserve during a whole year of intense physical training. Now I go to the gym regularly as a way of keeping fit and healthy.

In South Korea, there is apparent societal pressure on high, unidimensional success imposed on young people generally. The pressure ranges from entering prestigious state universities to job seekers landing a job in hyper-selective conglomerates (Zhang, Tze, Buhr, EKlassen, and Daniels 2016). Returning to South Korea after high school education has not been a bed of roses. There is a generally higher expectation for men than women in South Korea. My father expected me to do well in sports, to be tough, perform well in school, go to the best university in Seoul and become a lawyer or doctor. That was the path set for me, and I think most Korean men have a lot of social fear of being different by living their parents' expectations. Cultural fear of being different is the breeding ground for mental health issues and insecurity and the main reason why mental illness goes unreported in South Korea (Lee and Choi 2018).

During my middle school years, I loved reading manga and romantic books, and I was made fun of reading these books since, according to my friends, the books were for girls, gays and not men. I developed a skewed sense of masculinity from such statements, which I believe are misleading and toxic. I had to abandon my interest in such books, and for a while, I could not connect with my fellow students; I did not have an avenue to vent out my frustrations about losing my hobby, so I kept everything inside. Complaining, venting and crying were highly prohibited growing up in South Korea since men are tough, and this perception has hindered me from sharing my struggles. At that time, I believed the girl child had the advantage of reading every book at her disposal. In my opinion, demanding boys to man up and act like men has never taught boys to be men in the first place.

Some of the best universities in Seoul only accept women. Most of my agemates believe this is unfair and reverse discrimination. The female-only university does not foster a gender-inclusive culture through education. In my institution, women have been designated parking spots highlighted in pink and convenient places while men wander around looking for parking spots. Globally, girls are believed to be vulnerable; thus, society looks for ways of empowering girls at the cost of the boy child empowerment. The country’s current reverence for boy children has turned into a slight preference for the girl child, but this was not the case generations ago(Lee, 2016). To have two daughters win you a gold medal is the new saying in South Korea in a bid to correct the imbalance.

Before joining the university, men must undergo two years of mandatory military experience, irrespective of their interests. Women may voluntarily apply for military training while men waste the prime time of their lives doing something that is expected of them as they are physically fit for combat (Yeo, 2017). Men lag at a crucial juncture of life in preparing to join active employment after completing two years of military service. Compulsory military service is perceived as a chore rather than a patriotic duty by the average young Korean man. From an early age, boys are taught to be physical and tough. In the spirit of gender equality, I believe it is necessary for women to be equipped with the essential knowledge and experience to carry out the duty of national defence.

References

Lee, S. H. (2016). Gender mainstreaming in South Korea–a critical analysis through discursive institutionalism around the issue of childcare.

Lee, Y. M., & Choi, H. (2018). Systematic Review of Mental Health Interventions Designed for Multicultural Children and Adolescents in South Korea. Journal of Korean Academy of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 27(2), 159-169.

Yeo, Y. (2017). The good, the bad, and the forgiven: The media spectacle of South Korean male celebrities’ compulsory military service. Media, War & Conflict, 10(3), 293-313.

Zhang, X., Tze, V. M., Buhr, E., Klassen, R. M., & Daniels, L. M. (2016). A cross-national validation of the Academic Expectations Stress Inventory with Chinese and Korean high school students. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, 34(3), 289-295.