The Question of Marriage

Marriage and Marital Success

Marriage is a crucial institution in the formation of stable families and healthy society. A marriage’s stability and success are determined by a number of elements. In order to uncover the hidden gem of marriage, John Gottman conducted study on several marriages in order to determine the true source of marital success (Tartakovsky, 2017). As a clinical psychologist, he developed numerous ideas that can help marriages succeed.

Liking and Admiration in Marriage

To begin, Gottman observes that in order for a marriage to be successful, spouses must establish liking and admiration for one another. Respect for each other in marriage is paramount. It is necessary for couples to uphold the principle of fondness and admiration because it is a prerequisite for happiness and satisfaction in a marriage relationship (Tartakovsky, 2017). Each marriage partner should uphold at least positive traits about the other partner.

Turning Towards Each Other

The other principle in a successful marriage is turning towards each other. There comes a time in a marriage when partners tend to look up for each other for appreciation, compliments, support, and affection. When there is need for all these then this is the right time for couples to turn to each other for the necessary enrichment. If partners turn towards each other then there is a deep emotional connection (Gottman, 2011). However, if this is not done then the marriage relationship suffers greatly.

Allowing Your Partner to Influence You

Allowing your partner to influence you is another principle that makes successful marriages. Partners in marriage should show respect for each other. Respect is essential in building stable marriages. The ability for partners to compromise their position and power in order to allow each partner to participate in making decision that affects the marriage (Gottman, 2011). Making boundaries in marriage when it comes to power and decision making is not healthy for the union.

Solving Marital Conflicts

Lastly, Gottman observed that a healthy and successful marriage requires that conflict arising in the union be solved with both the parties. He suggested that there are five steps in solving marital conflicts. These include attacking the conflict without necessity raising criticism. The next thing to do is to try and embrace any possible means to remedy the situation. The third level is for all the partners to be able to moderate their temper and cool down and ensure there is sobriety. The fourth level entails reaching a middle ground (Tartakovsky, 2017). Couples should be able to come to a level where there is consensus. Hard positions should be compromised. The last level calls for partners to admit each other’s mistakes and forge on.

Conclusion

It is possible for marriages to be successful. If all the partners in a marriage relationship agree to work together then stability and success is inevitable. Gottman’s views about marriage are great insights to help any marriage institution work. Cultivating love, closeness, forgiveness and power sharing end up build healthy marriages.

Reference

Tartakovsky, M. (2017). Seven research based principles for making marriage work, Retrived from: https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/08/7-research-based-principles-for- making-marriage-work/

Gottman, J. (2011). How to keep love going strong: Seven principles on the road to happily ever after, Retrieved from: http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/what-happy-families- know/how-to-keep-