my childhood

I’m sitting in my room with Kristie, and she’s asking me about an incident that happened last night on her way back from Houston. The grin on her face before she knew I wasn’t listening indicated that it had been an amusing event. I was lost in my own mind, and I couldn’t help but think how life could go from very good to torturous in such a short period of time.

Kristie is a childhood friend of mine, and we spent almost our entire childhood together. In a family of four, she is the only sibling. Raised by a single mother, Kristie never had the perfect childhood, because her mom worked three jobs and she would leave Kristie, James, and Kyle, her older siblings at our home as she would arrive a few hours to midnight to pick them up. Being the youngest and almost my age mate, Kristie would already be asleep by the time her mom arrived and we would share my bed together only for her to wake up the next day in her own bed.

My birthday would come on 3rd of May while her birthday would come 7 days later on 10th, but because her mom was struggling to make ends meet, my parents found it fit that I celebrated my birthdays on the same day with Kristie. So a party would be organized on my birthday and we would cut the cake together. This always made me furious as we would split whatever presents would be brought. This would happen every year and eventually, I learned to be more accommodating. Our 7th birthday turned out to be the worst birthday for her as her mom passed away just 6 days prior. What made it even worse was the fact that she was hit by a car as she tried to cross the road to the grocery store across the new as Kristie watched. It was a very traumatizing experience for her that she couldn’t speak for three months. Her mom was buried on the same day as her birthday and she didn’t even shade a tear. She would then be scheduled for counseling three days in a week and slowly, she recovered and started talking again. After her mother died, they moved in with us for a year before her uncle came for them and they moved to Texas where her mum was born. I never celebrated my birthdays again.

Despite the fact that Kristie changed the town, we would still go to the same school and we would meet in school. I was the brightest in our class and Kristie would be as jealous of me as I seemed to have everything. My parents were well off and I could get whatever I wanted and I was also doing well in school. With time, this would get to my head and I would hang out with new friends as I felt like Kristie wasn’t cool enough and she wasn’t of my social class. My mom loved me for the fact that I was very realistic and reliable person even though she loathed the pride I was beginning to develop. I fell out of her favor though, when I joined cheerleading against her advice. I ignored everything she told me and ended up joining the cheerleading team at our school. All this time Kristie was becoming more and more distant and I could tell that she didn’t like what I was turning out to be. On several occasions, my mom would send her to talk to me and I would brush her off. Despite all that was happening to me, I somehow managed to keep my grades clean and Kristie couldn’t understand how I could juggle between all the extra curricula activities I was involved in with my studies. Graduation day was fast approaching and everyone in school was worried about that last exam, because it would determine whether one would join university or not. That never bothered me, I never liked school anyway. My parents had enough money and I could get whatever I wanted if I decided to drop out of school. What motivated me though were the stories I heard about college that, those were the places I could get all the drop-dead gorgeous men I always wanted. I did so well on my last examination and so did Kristie although I had better grades than she did. My mum was so proud of me.

We then had to wait for two years before we could get enrolled in a university of our choices. Curricular proved to be one of the most difficult times for any parent with a typical teenage girl as two years of being idle would be tragic. Luckily for me, I secured a volunteer job with a popular organization. My job description was to visit institutions and give lectures on matters to do with family planning. It wasn’t the ideal after school job but I liked it because we would hang out with a group of teenagers like me and it looked cool for me. That’s when I met with Lionel.

Lionel was a funny guy and I loved hanging out with him, because I found him hilarious. He had a great sense of humor and I could laugh hysterically at his jokes. He also had a great sense of fashion and I liked the way he dressed. Despite all that, I never imagined him being my boyfriend. In fact, I had never pictured myself with a boyfriend in that group though I would fancy having a boyfriend like him. My mum never at any point liked the idea that I studied in a girl school, because according to her, there was a myth that girls that studied in a girl school as opposed to a mixed school didn’t know how to handle their social life, especially from the opposite sex. But to prove her reasoning wrong, I had pledged to remain pure for as long as I could and that is why when Lionel approached me to be her girlfriend I brushed her off in a very rude way that he ended up ignoring me for a while. He started being distant and this hurt me from inside. I really had the burning desire to see him approach me again because, to be honest, it felt really nice to know that someone liked me. Three weeks went by and there was still no sign of him approaching me. I was really hurting from inside and it was now clear to me that I liked him, because I felt really jealous whenever I saw him have a good time with other ladies. I finally decided I was going to swallow my pride and approach him. But the problem was that I didn’t know how to go about it. That night I called Kristie and asked her how I should go about it. She gave me the best idea ever and I had to use it.

There was this red mini skirt that my mom bought me during my graduation day. It was my favorite, because whenever I wore it, I could literally see men drool over my thighs. I ironed it and wore it on that fateful Monday morning. I was scheduled to spend the day with Lionel as we were to give out a lecture in one of the institutions out of town. As we prepared our notes for the lecture, I kept teasing him and I could notice that I had caught his eye. He was shy to make a move though. I had my plan set up really well, because whenever I wasn’t with him, Lydia, my colleague would talk to him and tell him how I liked him and that he was taking too long to realize the signs. Although he was a bit reserved at first, he finally gave in and approached me for a second time. I didn’t want to blow it this time and so I accepted his proposal.

That evening as I broke the news to Kristie, she was happy for me although she didn’t like the fact that I gave in so fast. She was for the idea that I should play a bit hard to get and let him try a little harder. I couldn’t risk wasting that chance a second time and so that’s why I agreed.

Our first kiss was out of this world and I couldn’t imagine anything better. It was on a Saturday afternoon and he had taken me out to the park over lunch. As we sat eating pizza by the water fountain as we watched birds, he leaned towards me and he kissed me on the lips. I almost collapsed. I had never felt anything like it. The tachycardia was driving me crazy as I felt my whole body weak. The feeling was out of this world. At that time I felt like he must be the best kisser in the world. I still remember that kiss to date. My mind went blank for a moment and I only stared at him for a while before I uttered, “you are going to kill me, babe”. That was actually the first time that I had not called him by his name. “Love must be the best thing in the world,” I thought to myself as he escorted me to my home.

CHAPTER 2

Lionel and I would go out for a while and with time he introduced me to his cousin Dave. Dave was one of the nicest guys I ever met. He was so kind to me and every time we met, he treated me so well. We would go out on a lunch date and Dave would sneak to the counter, pay the bills and go away without us noticing. He was the kind of guy that would do about things and never want to be recognized. With time I started to grow fond of him so much that I would not go out on a date with Lionel only. My mom even thought that Dave was my boyfriend and not Lionel. I would talk about him all the time.

Over Easter, Kristie came over and we talked a lot about what had been going on in our lives. I told her stories about all the fights and the great times we had with Lionel. Then we also talked about Dave. The Easter weekend was an interesting one as we also went out and I introduced him to Lionel and Dave. The weekend ended so fast and Kristie left for Texas. She called me on Monday evening and she was concerned that I was actually falling in love with Dave. We laughed it off doctor’s but I couldn’t help but imagine how life would be if Dave was actually my boyfriend. He was tall, dark, and handsome and the most caring person I ever met. He also had a great sense of humor just like his cousin Lionel. The thought of ditching Lionel for Dave seemed like a very good idea about but it would really break his heart. I really had a long thought about it and at some point, I almost gave it a shot.

As time went by, a side of Lionel that I didn’t like started showing. He was on to act like a control freak. He would go through my phone and check through who had called me. he was increasingly getting jealous for no reason. Had he known that I was actually considering dating his cousin, then it would have been the worst day ever for him. The love I had for him kept fading by the day as what I felt for Dave grew. By this time, Dave must have realized that I really liked him but he just played cool, because he didn’t want his cousin was what was going on. We would exchange glances whenever we were together and I would shy away and look down. This went on for a while. My relationship with Lionel degenerated from bad to worse party and I don’t understand why but this never hurt me a bit. If anything, I had a backup plan.

I was really starting to fall head over heels for Dave and every day that we met wasn’t making it any better. He couldn’t make a move from the respect for his cousin even though anyone could notice that he was aching to be with me. He was a bit shy though even though he looked courageous on the outside, he never tried to flirt with me. I was, in fact, the one that flirted with him on every opportunity. Our first kiss was something I had, on the other hand, longed for. Despite the fact that he also wanted it, he never asked for it. So on that fateful day, we played truth or dare with a group of friends as we sat in the park. By coincidence, I was dared to kiss him, luckily for me; Lionel was not there on that day. Although everyone was watching, I still enjoyed it anyway.

Our relationship started that way. Lionel broke up with me a few days later saying I was no longer committed to the relationship. This would be a blessing in disguise as it gave me the opportunity to openly date Dave. Teenage life wasn’t easy for my parents though, because I would come back home late and my mom would really get furious. I would be on phone every time and I would only put down my phone to charge it. Dave and I would talk on the phone for so long and this infuriated my mom as I wasn’t doing anything at home.

Our love grew each day and we would surprise each other with presents. He was a football fan and I bought him a football jersey with my name written on it. He would wear it every time he went to watch his team play. His friends called him by my name and he didn’t mind at all.

University time was fast approaching for him and he was set to join the university in Tennessee. My heart was heavy and I couldn’t imagine him leaving me behind for the university. I didn’t want him to go. As the day for him to leave drew closer, I got more and sadder. The day finally came and it was a very emotional day as I bid him farewell, I cried so hard that my eyes were swelling. For a whole week, I locked myself in my room and I didn’t want to pick his calls either, I couldn’t understand why I was mad at him. He found a way to talk to me though and after two weeks, he gave me a surprise when he called me and asked me to go to the front door of our house, as I opened the door, he was standing there, so gorgeous. I couldn’t remember a happier day than that. I was very happy, I hugged him so passionately and we spent the whole day together as he told me stories about how the university was and how people treated him there. All I wanted to know was if there was any girl hitting on him there. Luckily for me, there was no one. The day I dreaded finally came and it was another day for him to leave. I bid him farewell with a heavy heart as he left again. Despite the fact that he was far from me, our love blossomed and we would talk every night for almost three hours before we went to bed. This made me very happy.

CHAPTER 3

The day for me to join the university finally came and my mom didn’t know whether to be happy or not because on one hand she was happy that I was joining the university, and on the other hand, she dreaded the fact that she was leaving me to the world and I was still a teenager. I assured her that everything would be okay. As she left, she asked me to be wary of boys and that they would prey on any new student that was joining the university. True to her words, boys started approaching me but I wasn’t taking any of their nonsense, because I didn’t want to ruin what we had with Dave.

As classes started, I met new friends. Engineering school wasn’t the place to find many girls and so the few that were here would be my friends anyway. Kristie came to visit a week later. She had enrolled in a university a town away and she was taking law. She seemed happy as that was all she ever wanted to be. After her mom died in a hit and run car, all she wanted was to be a lawyer to defend people from such reckless acts. At least for her, she knew exactly what she wanted to be. My case was really complicated as I didn’t know if I really wanted to be an engineer. Kristie was the best sister I never had as she took care of me and would defend me every time. As the weekend ended, Kristie left with the promise that I would go visit her a week later. True to my words, I visited her that week and we talked about so many things. She expressed concerns about the kinds of friends that I was hanging out within the university. She felt that they were a bad influence. I brushed off her concerns with the promise that I would be careful.

As I left to go back to my university, I couldn’t help but think about what Kristie had said to me. I also realized that we had not talked with Dave for a day already. When I called him, he was furious that I wasn’t giving him time as it was before. I felt that he was overreacting. I was getting irritated as he whined daily about me not giving our relationship time.

I was getting frustrated and I felt that no one understood that I was an adult and I needed to make my own decisions. My mom kept calling me to tell me how I should carry myself in the university and my boyfriend on the other hand was demanding time. Kristie on the other hand kept telling me on the kind of friends I should hang out with. The frustrations were getting out of hand and I decided to take it out and try alcohol with the advice of my newly found friend. I was skeptical about trying it out at first but surprisingly, it worked. For a moment, I forgot all my problems and I had fun with my friends.

It didn’t take long and I broke up with Dave, because I felt like he wasn’t cool enough and his complains about me drinking were getting to my nerves. Drinking became part of me and I couldn’t go a week without drinking and partying with my friends. I started sleeping around with random guys that I found cool enough. Kristie tried visiting me on several occasions but all these times, she never found me in the university. If I wasn’t in town partying, I would probably be in some random guy’s house. This life was very interesting for me as I was answerable to no one. My life was under my control and no one would dictate to me.

The first semester was coming to an end and the reality hit me, I had not been attending classes and I didn’t have enough notes to prepare for my end of semester exams. Things went from bad to worse when I realized that I was pregnant. What was even worse was the fact that I didn’t know who was responsible. In that particular month, I had slept with more than 6 different guys and I didn’t even know some of them, because all these were done while I was high. All over sudden all my friends wanted nothing to do with me. My guilt could not allow me to talk to Kristie. I took out my frustrations on alcohol. For several weeks, I spent my days and nights exchanging bars in town. I finally met this doctor who promised to help me get rid of the pregnancy.

The procedure was scheduled to take place a day after my end of semester exams. This meant that I couldn’t go home after the procedure after the procedure, because I needed to recuperate. We decided that I would stay in the doctor’s place for a week until I was okay to go home.

I was even more worried about the procedure than the exam that I wasn’t prepared for. The exams came to pass and I left for the doctor’s place to undergo the procedure. I was happy that everything went on well and after 4 hours the procedure was over. I was officially a murderer. I had killed an innocent child. This tortured me from the inside as I couldn’t handle the guilt. I drowned my sorrows in the best way I knew, alcohol. I would drink myself silly. Every day we would go out drink and come back late at night.

A week went by and I felt like I wasn’t ready to go home yet, I had been literally turned into the doctors wife. As time went by, my mom got more and more worried of me as she could not trace me and many other students were home already. One month passed and one day, I showed up at our front door, I was very drunk. As I stood at our front door, I couldn’t imagine how my mom would react when she finally sees me. “Ding! Dong!” the sound of the doorbell woke me up from the worst dream of my life. As I walked to the door to see who was at the door, I couldn’t help but think of the dream I just had.