Institution Affiliation

The reason for sharp variances in relationship successes has often been the subject of inattentive study by some scholars. The world has seen a sharp decline in marriages recently as physiologists have been keen to note the reason for such a trend. The paper is an analysis of three items on relationships, namely ‘Masters of Love” by Emily Smith, ‘The Specific Affect Coding System’ (SPAFF) by John M. Gottman and James A. Coan, and a YouTube video titled ‘Making Relationship Work” a video podcast by John M. Gottman.

In her article ‘Masters of Love,' Emily Smith is so comprehensive in presenting Gottman’s ideas’ on why there are people who significantly succeed in relationships and are thus destined to marry for a lifetime while others are doomed to an imminent divorce. The extensively insightful nature of the article, as well as its organization and elaborate illustrations, are instrumental in guiding one to be a ‘love master.' The idea of occasional deliberate effort made by loves to connect through ‘bids’ is particularly intriguing. Response to bids, as detailed by Gottman, is essentially warming up to a partner’s interests, thus providing numerous opportunities for lovers to enjoy their common interests. The article equally details the highly antagonistic nature of ‘Disaster ‘couples, those doomed to separate. Poor relationships are plagued by negative criticism and a lack of appreciation for one another. The article is a summary of the study results on relationships that have been gathered by Gottman and his partner James in ‘The Love Lab” since 1986(Smith, 2017).

All the items reveal that the core reason for the couple's tear-ups is contempt. Failing to appreciate a partner through being keen to appreciate the positive factors about one’s partner. Contempt equally arises when a partner opts to ignore their loved ones deliberately. Contempt is a result of excessive criticism over an extensive period. Gottman details that contempt occurs when a partner perceives and addresses the significant other from a superior position. Contempt toward a partner results in them having feelings of worthlessness and being invisible.

Masters, on the other hand, scan their social environment for positive attributes of their partners. The masters then complement the partners by trying to ignore their partner’s wrongdoings. The masters are skilled in giving both verbal and non-verbal appreciation. There are, however, other couples who have a boring relationship that is characterized by emotional withdrawal as they are devoid of factors such as humour and affection (Gottman, 2017). Gottmann indicates that such relationships end within their first sixteen years. In encouraging couples to cultivate positive relationship [p attributes in themselves (Specific Affect Coding Systems), John M. Gottman and James. A. Coan propose the above affective tendencies between married couples. Such positive Affective attributes are specifically the Validation of loved ones, showing interest in them, humour, affection, and enthusiasm. Negative effects, on the other hand, are anger, Belligerence, contempt, whining, threats, stonewalling, sadness, tension/fear, domineering, disgust among others.

In senescence, the items emphasize that kindness is a key feature in relationships as it accompanies relation stability, thus being an instrumental predictor in marriage stability as partners who feel validated, understood and cared for generally feel loved, wanted and appreciated (Coan & Gottman, 2007). The key limitation to the study’s internal validity is the possibility of couples acting abnormally (stage acting) when they are aware that they are under observation in ‘The Love Lab”. Being conscious and intelligent, human beings often alter their mannerisms when under observation, and this would compromise the credibility of the study’s findings. The main limitation of the study’s external validity is the assumption that the findings for heterosexual couples would be similar to results from gay couples. The sample spaces for gay and heterosexual couples vary widely; thus, relative consistencies may not be necessarily valid.

References

Coan, J. A., & Gottman, J. M. (2007). The specific affect coding system (SPAFF). Handbook of emotion elicitation and assessment, 267-285.

Smith, E. (2017). The Secret to Love Is Just Kindness. The Atlantic. Retrieved 9 April 2017, from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

Gottman, J. (2017). Making Relationships Work | Dr. John Gottman | Seattle Rotary Club. YouTube. Retrieved 9 April 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YpnDao8TQs